Me Too

In the time and place where I was growing up, there was no such thing as sexual abuse or harassment.

You were either raped or nothing happened.
The rest was just life, get over it.

Actually, even if you were raped, in most cases that didn’t officially happen either.

Most women would choose the lesser evil and quietly get on with their life without ever mentioning it to anybody rather than face the incredibly long, difficult, scary and humiliating process trying to get justice.

I once came as far as to the doctor’s office but that’s all. 

When she examined the bruises and asked me if I wanted to press charges, it felt too overwhelming and frightening for a teenager and I said no.

I was one of the lucky ones. My bruises always came from me trying to fight him off and not from him beating me up, like some other women experienced.

When somebody stronger than you is trying to forcefully part your legs and you are using all your strength to resist it and this fight is going on for some time, it puts a lot of pressure on the insides of your thighs and they become very bruised.

But there have always been plenty of real life knights, appearing out of nowhere and helping me out when I needed it. 

Or just showing me some kindness for no other reason than I was there at the time.

And sometimes they would show up at the same time and place as the other guys and help me get out of the troubles which the other ones got me into  –  without expecting anything in return.

From my experience I know that there is both a hero and a villain in every man, just like in every woman.

The difference between a good man and a bad one is about which one of these two dominates inside of him.

And the good thing is that every new day is a new chance to choose who you want to be now.

No matter what your past, every moment you can make a new choice.

 

 

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©2017 Aditi. All rights reserved.

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16 Responses to Me Too

  1. Ada says:

    😰✊🙏🌺

  2. scifihammy says:

    This must have been hard to write. Even now, as you say, often rape is not talked about, or is considered the woman’s fault. No-one should ever use their power over another. But thankfully there are good men too.

    • Aditi says:

      Yes, difficult. It takes a big movement, like “me too” for many people to come out of the closet about it, or else they would go to their grave with this secret.
      Yes, there are many good men and I’ve been lucky to meet quite a few of them. 🙂

      • scifihammy says:

        I know someone to whom this happened. There were others here in SA who were raped and killed. Only by people coming forward can this world wide problem be addressed and dealt with and hopefully eventually stopped.
        Until your post I did not realise the global impact of the #MeToo campaign, so thank you for making me aware.

  3. A very moving and poignant post. It must be really difficult for you to write about this as writing recalls the incident you have been through. But I really applaud your bravery to have the strength to be vocal about it and create awareness about one of the most hushed topics in our society.

  4. Ady says:

    This is the first time I am reading such an painful account that too from a friend. I have never understood why the victim should feel guilty as if it’s her fault . Why should she be suppressed and silenced out of her voice.
    Like you said the world has both good and bad men. I am happy for you that you have come a long way with courage and you had good people to support you through it.

    • Aditi says:

      Yes, it’s a strange thing with it, the victim often feels the shame and guilt instead of the attacker.
      Thanks for the kind words Ady, good to see you here again. 🙂

  5. floatinggold says:

    It is interesting to read a testimony from an actual victim who did not raise holy hell about it. It is terrible that you had to endure what you did. Rape is a terrible thing.
    But I totally get your point about how some of those accusations are just silliness. All of a sudden, a man cannot compliment a woman in fear of getting his career/ life ruined. It went from one extreme (silence) to another (uproar). We need to find the golden medium.

    • Aditi says:

      Actually, most victims don’t raise holy hell about it – that’s why you don’t know about them. They are all around you and you would never have guessed.

  6. smilecalm says:

    thank you for this courageous write!
    wishing you continued
    gentle healing & joy 🙂

  7. DG MARYOGA says:

    Oh gosh my dearest Aditi … A heartbreaking post … I feel so sad about everything,my mind cannot work out such horrible situations …. Love to you my dear one 🙂 ❤ xxx

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