I know her name, address, phone number and how she looks like.
We used to be Internet friends, until her increasingly obsessive and disturbing behaviour forced me to end the relationship.
Or rather try to end it – again and again and for a long time.
She fights this furiously and desperately – haunting me all over the Internet, contacting me against my will, stalking, harassing, pleading and trying to either bully or manipulate me to interact with her again.
Whenever I open a new account somewhere, she finds it very quickly and starts trolling right away. Creating an endless stream of fake accounts there and trying to interact with me from them in whatever way that particular site allows – following, liking, reblogging, anything she can. When I block one of those accounts, she creates several others in its place and continues the harassment until I close the account.
Over the past few months she has made me discontinue 9 accounts on different sites and her stalking is the reason this blog, too, sometimes turns private.
Here, on WordPress she either lets those spam accounts be empty or fills them with content from Internet – often pictures of cats or other cute animals she takes from Instagram, Tumblr and other sites. There is, of course, never any original content from her on those accounts she uses for harassment.
On other sites, some may be empty or contain just a short provocative message (usually of sexual nature). If there are any reblogs, or her likes or follows visible, they are often of explicit porn, which is something right up her alley (the more vulgar, the better for her).
She is too experienced in stalking to come with any direct threats, but instead communicates such things covertly, f.e. through something she puts on her profile right before she follows me, that she knows will be the first thing I see when I check her account.
She has two personalities.
The official one is sweet, modest, self-deprecating, loving and spiritual and, unfortunately, often a victim of all the cruel and unreasonable people she meets in her path.
This poor lady is so shy that she has trouble saying some normal words, like f.e. menstruation or period (“I can’t believe I just said that word!”).
She creates official, nice profiles on Internet, which she uses to find her victims.
Her other persona is exactly opposite.
An obsessed with sex nymphomaniac, immature, lacking empathy and playing creepy mind games with her victims. Extremely needy, clingy and draining.
A stalker, who doesn’t take no for an answer. Or even very many nos…
She creates countless spam accounts to stalk, harass and bully the victims she finds through the nice ones.
She can’t hide that other persona for very long because her obsessive tendencies are too intense.
Even her official nickname (which she uses on her official, nice accounts) has the number 69 in it – and it isn’t the year of her birth…
I don’t know how many times I told her that what she was writing to me was inappropriate and that we were not having this kind of relationship. Sometimes she would say sorry, she didn’t mean to make me feel uneasy, other times she would make excuses ( she didn’t mean it that way) and yet other times she wouldn’t reply at all. It didn’t matter what she said – the sexual harassment just continued.
She would repeatedly write to me about her sexual fantasies about me and what she imagined she would do to me, which made me feel sick. When I told her to stop and that I didn’t want to hear about it, she would sometimes even argue about it (“It isn’t sex, it’s love!”) and continue this behaviour. She would tell me how she was grooming her private parts, how she posted a photo of her naked bottom on Photobucket and where she liked to be touched. She would inform me that she liked to be slapped. It was all coming out of the blue, without me either asking about it, inviting it in any way or wanting to hear any of it.
Sometimes it seemed like she could turn anything, no matter how innocent into something sexual. She would make sleazy comments about me liking pointed things on some of my innocent photos I posted online, like f.e. ones with pine needles or some decoration.
She continued to send me this kind of e-mails long after I told her that I didn’t want any more contact with her. One such attempt to “get me back” was an e-mail where she implied doing sexual things on the photos of my eyes I had posted online (“…all over them”, as she wrote).
For months I begged her to stop texting me obsessively and she just continued, until I told her that if she texted me one more time, I’d change my phone number and never talk to her again. She stopped texting then but send me an e-mail where she complained that I wasn’t “too pleased with her in my last e-mail”, as usually implying that she was the victim here and I was the one being difficult. No explanation and not taking any responsibility for her harassing behaviour.
She once send me 17 text messages in less than 2 minutes, each one of them just a few words long:
“talk to me”
“sweetie, talk to me”
“let me in”
“your driving me crazy”
“honey, answer me, please”
…and on and on, one after another, not even a couple of seconds between them.
She never managed to make me talk to her on the phone no matter how hard she tried, her texts, e-mails and comments were already more than enough for me.
She has a bizarre fantasy about being without skin and having sex with people without skin. On one of her official profiles she had a picture of someone unzipping their skin so that their internal body parts were visible. She would tell me how she could feel her organs and she would fantasize about those skinless relationships between her and others.
She told me about a dream she apparently had with me one night, where we were both without skin and we were making love.
It felt very creepy, though I understand now that it’s no coincidence that she has these fantasies.
Skin is the final boundary between people and boundaries is something that drives her crazy. She will violate yours in any way she can, invading your privacy, contacting you against your will, harassing you with her sexual talk that you don’t want to hear, spying on you and doing everything in her power to force you to interact with her. If she can’t manipulate you to having contact with her, she will resort to bullying.
Every time you try to set a boundary or distance yourself from her, it has the opposite effect and her stalking behaviour goes through the roof right away. For example, when I answered to yet another unwanted e-mail from her by pointing out to her that I had blocked her on a certain site and asking her yet again to please leave me alone, she gave me several thousands views on that site in the next couple of hours – all from her phone. When she no longer could contact me on that site because of the blocking, she would instead send me another e-mail about the new photo I posted there, how beautiful she thought it was.
When I look back, there have been warning signs right from the beginning, but, not having any experience with such things, I overlooked them all.
Right from the start she would complain to me about her then girlfriend having unheard off rage attacks, like she had never seen before. She told me there was something dark and scary inside that girlfriend and that she tried to help her and to save her from that darkness. Later she would tell me exactly the same thing about me – she had spotted something dark inside of me and she was trying to help me from afar.
The girlfriend with the rage attacks would soon block her on the site that they were using and some other people, who used to be friends would do the same later. She would complain to me that she didn’t understand how people could be like that. Neither did I – at that time.
With most people, if you end the relationship, you don’t have to block them, because they won’t be bothering you anymore…
After a while there was a new girlfriend, but very soon, strangely enough, this one was having the same unheard off rage attacks as the previous one…
And neither of those raging girlfriends was at any point in the way of her constantly sexually harassing me.
No matter how many times I would remind her that we were not having that kind of relationship, it wouldn’t get through to her. She could say that she understood, but her behaviour would say something exactly opposite.
In her head she has created a love relationship with me that exists only in her deluded mind. It never happened in reality.
In our culture obsession is often idealized and used to imply some wonderful, passionate love. There are many songs, poems etc. about being obsessed with somebody and people often wrongly believe that it is flattering when someone is so consumed with you and that that must feel great.
It is anything but flattering, and, believe me, you do not want this to happen to you.
What she does is called stalking, harassment and cyber bullying and it’s illegal, both in my country and hers.
I have evidence of at least some of it, like for example our e-mails, where I keep asking her to stop contacting me and she continues to do so.
So far I haven’t contacted the authorities because I’ve been hoping that it wouldn’t have to come that far.
But I have done nothing wrong and I don’t want to be hiding anymore.
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